Back To LibraryEditor's note: Kia Elfström is the Swedish author of a brilliant book called "A Little While Longer" ["En Liten Stund Till"], in which she shares how the work she did with iboga contributed to her healing her aggressive breast cancer. Kia has very generously shared her book with us, and we are diligently translating it from Swedish so we can share it with you. I do hope you enjoy reading about Kia's journey as much as I enjoyed speaking with her about it.
Interview with Salvia Starling
I’ve read the text on the back cover of the book and was surprised by the euphoric relief you described when you discovered the cancer. Can you tell me more about that? What was happening in the leadup to you discovering your cancer?
You know, I was married to the love of my life and he was not that good with money, but he wanted to start his own company. I was really suspicious, and I didn’t trust him at all with that because I know his history with financial issues and stuff like that. But I realised, who am I to judge? Who am I to control him? I couldn't do it. So he started the business. In 2 or 3 years, he had gone totally bankrupt and had a massive tax bill which he wasn’t able to pay.
The government came then and wanted to take our apartment, our car, our summer house, all our savings… everything. We lost everything. During that time, I had a really flourishing business on my own, but I realised that in order to at least save the house for our children to be able to have a safe home, I needed to get rid of my private clients and get a job because I was so devastated and so traumatised at the time. I applied to be employed again, so I was able to take over the loans for the apartment, and I applied for divorce, because when you’re in divorce proceedings the government can’t touch any of your property. I did that in order to save the home for our children.
So, I was really stressed out and I had lost almost everything I had built up: the love of my life, the life we had created, I had lost my company, I lost everything. And people would say, “Well, at least you have your health!” And then, a couple of weeks later, I was told by my guides that I had cancer, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to listen to them.
A few months passed by and then I finally felt the lump, the tumour in my body. I went to the doctors and they confirmed that I had cancer. It was quite an aggressive type of cancer, so it was growing fast, and they wanted to put me on really intense treatment. But I had lost everything, so why should I? I just wanted to go home. I wanted to die because I had nothing left. I was stuck in a back and forth, “Do I want to live? Do I have the mental and emotional strength to survive?”
It was then that I got a message from a friend in India who recommended that I look for a good shaman to find an alternative way of dealing with the cancer. I thought, why not? I posted a request on a facebook group based in Thailand asking if there was someone who knows a decent shaman. I got two answers. One was a shaman in Siberia and the other was Sy [Tzu]. I thought Siberia - the cold, the frozen land - it’s not for me. But South Africa really resonated with me. So I contacted Sy and asked if he could help me. He spoke to his guides and the universe to see if it was approved. I had already started the chemotherapy but it wasn’t working, so the doctors wanted me to stop the chemo. It’s a pretty big issue, in natural remedies, to mix them with western medicines. But Sy's guides approved and I went down to South Africa and did tremendous trauma work: physical, emotional, spiritual, every aspect, multi-dimensional work.
The most interesting thing is that before I went to South Africa, my doctors had taken tissue samples which showed I still had cancer, and so they wanted to give me a full mastectomy, but I didn’t want to do that. So my doctor said to me, “Okay, then, you know you’re going to die.” And I said, “Yeah, I know, probably yes, but I don’t care.” The doctors were really shocked that I wasn’t treating them like some gods or goddesses of surgery that could fix everything, you know, the grandiosity of the doctors who think they can help everybody, and here I was resisting being helped.
So, I went down to South Africa and did all this work, then came back home, filled full of the desire to survive and live again. I saw that maybe there was a life for me anyway, so I decided to go ahead with the surgery. They did a full mastectomy and sent the tissue for testing.
There were no cancer cells.
So they took away my breasts for no reason! But at least I knew that I didn’t have cancer anymore. The interesting thing for me was that not a single doctor had asked me what I had done to get rid of the cancer. Not one.
That's phenomenal. So, you went from this profound journey with your husband to being recommended a shaman by a friend in Thailand to then fully healing your cancer! Had your friend recommended iboga specifically, or had she just recommended plant medicine in general?
No, she actually recommended ayahuasca as the feminine master plant, instead of iboga which is the masculine master plant. But I’d never heard of iboga, so I didn’t know anything about it, and I decided not to do any research. I just went down there and was totally open to Sy doing whatever he wanted. I didn’t care. The friends that I had left back home in Sweden weren’t sure I was going to survive because they realised how fragile I was, and they knew it would be a tough journey for me. And Sy said, years later, how much of a wreck I was. He said I was nothing at the airport, like a shadow.
You had already let go, hadn’t you? You’d already accepted your death and were glad it was coming - so it really was like a last ditch attempt. So how did you prepare for the journey itself? You said you didn’t do any research. Did you have a period of mental and physical preparation before you took your flood dose?
Yes, we did a LOT of trauma work. I did three kambo sessions as well, which I think was the main thing to get rid of the chemo and the physical and emotional toxins in my body.
From my perspective, I’m sure that the cancer was a trauma response to what I had gone through. The loss of the feminine aspect, being betrayed in my loving relationship, losing the trust and the love and the financial support and everything. For me, it was definitely a trauma response.
Can you describe your integration period after your iboga? You had a beautiful preparation with the trauma work and the kambo, which is such a sacred, powerful medicine, and then you had your flood. Did you stay for a while in South Africa after your flood to do integration and to process everything that had happened?
Well, I went back home maybe 3 or 4 days later.
Oh wow! Oh gosh I can’t imagine such a long international flight just 3 days after a flood.
When I landed in Sweden, I thought I was going to have a psychotic breakdown! I was so fragile. And, unfortunately, I was then hoovered in by a covert narcissist because I was so fragile. I had a tremendous need for care and to be held by masculine energy, so I was an easy target. I was sucked in by him. But, for me, that was part of the process. I asked my guides why I met this specific creature, and they told me that I needed to learn about the dark side of the ego. It was really interesting.
How long did that process last, with the narcissist? Did you get through it quite quickly?
No, actually, he convinced me to marry him. I think he hoovered me in with the financial safety because he knew that that was my Achilles' heel, so he got me financially dependent on him. Since the relationship ended, I have done so much shadow work, I’ve done a lot of trauma healing, I’ve been to therapy, and I got help from Sy as well. I also wrote a book about covert narcissism, which forced me to really dig into the scientific field of narcissism because up until then I had only experienced it emotionally, so it ended up being a science book.
So, you’ve written this book we were talking about before, about your cancer and your healing journey with iboga, and then you’ve written a book on covert narcissism. What’s the third book you’ve written?
I wrote a psychology textbook about personality styles and how to work with different kinds of personality styles in therapeutic environments because you can’t reach everyone the same way. You have to adjust and find out how each person relates to things and we as therapists have to adapt to them.
Have you microdosed the wood at all since then?
I have experimented a lot with different microdosing processes with a lot of different plants. Right now, I’m not microdosing anything, but I just ended a process with kirkii (Synaptolepis kirkii). It’s an African dream herb, and it’s really really powerful, really interesting. But right now I’m not microdosing. I have, in the past, microdosed all sorts; LSD, ayahuasca, psilocybin, iboga, passion flower…
Lots! And have you found that it has assisted your integration? Has your microdosing been helpful?
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes! I think it helped a lot, to support the integration in all different kinds of processes. Not only in the trauma healing and shadow work, but in helping me be creative, in learning how to manage and navigate the professional content that I create, in all aspects!
I empathise really deeply with that. I often find that the microdosing courses are as profound and transformative as the full ceremonial flood and because there’s more time to integrate, because it’s such a long process. There’s this depth that I feel I’ve got to work harder to get to with a flood, like I really have to hold myself for weeks after to get the same results. Where, with the microdosing, especially with the wood, I feel like it really holds me through that process. So it’s really beautiful to hear about your microdosing work.
How do you view the relationship now between western medicine and alternatives?You speak like a scientist and have published scientific books. Do you still use western medicine?
Yea, I think even though they don’t necessarily combine, they have their own place. For me, because I’m in that kind of context with people who are multi-dimensional, who are integrated and holistic in how they work, what I’ve noticed is that it’s easier for the scientific group of people to tap into the more spiritual realm and to accept the plant medicine and the power of nature than vice versa.
Yeah, I’ve seen that too. It’s very interesting.
And you can tell by looking at the science! There’s a lot of studies done on Amanita muscaria, Tabernanthe iboga, ayahuasca, psilocybin; there's a lot of science going on. But in the spiritual realm, nobody’s talking about the western medicine, they're not relating to science studies and stuff like that. And I think it’s quite unfair, because we need both of them.
I think you’ll enjoy this new iteration of iboga.org then! It’s a big part of what we’re doing - bringing in the science, reviewing journal articles, and discussing breakthroughs and discoveries, all while being aware of the magic of iboga and holding it as a sacred wood.
For me, I’ve been very much into the feminine aspects of the plants, and I’ve mostly been working the last two or three years with Amanita muscaria. I have a really close relationship with Amanita Dreamer - have you heard about her? - she’s the main research source online for Amanita. She’s in the science but she’s also deeply spiritual. She’s holding the energy while spreading the word about Amanita in the world. That’s been my main spiritual path, that feminine aspect in the plant medicine area.
You have amanita locally, don’t you? I am thinking about the traditional story about people feeding the mushroom to the reindeer and then drinking the reindeer urine to journey. That must be close to you in Scandinavia because that’s where the reindeer are!
Yes, that’s right.
I love forming a bond with the local medicine. I have a similar thing with working with Welsh psilocybin. There’s something that feels very Right about working with the energies of the land where you’re living, I find.
I’m wondering if you have some advice for people who are having similar health challenges? What would you say to them?
To not give away their power to sources that they don’t resonate with. Trust their inner gut feeling. You don’t always know what's lying ahead, but you can trust the process. Don’t try to resist the pain or the challenges or the dark places in order to try to appear like a better or wiser person. Don’t fall for that spiritual bypassing bullshit!
Do you think that your lack of fear of death, your openness and almost welcome to death, was a positive thing in the journey? Do you think that being free of that fear was in itself healing?
Oh yes, definitely.
“Let go of your attachment to life” is a very difficult piece of advice to give to someone who is dying, but it does seem to make a difference!
[Laughs] Yeah! But you know I’ve got a lot of clients who are in the terminal stage of their cancer journey, and that’s the real challenge of being a death doula: to be able to bring this up, to put it on the table and not resist it, not be evasive about it. You’ve got to face it, to speak openly about it. Because the fear and the longing is all mixed together and so close, so you need to be able to look at both aspects of it and talk openly about death.
Yes. I definitely find that if the people who are supposed to be helping are frightened of what the client is going through, it’s really counterproductive. It’s remarkable how often therapists can’t handle hearing about the depths of our traumas and fears. Being able to sit in that space is an utter gift and something many people can’t do.
I’ve seen it! It’s so provoking. I’ve seen and made a few tiktoks about this, and I’ve made a few podcasts about it. You need to be able to hold your ground as a therapist, to hold the space and take care of the fears and feelings your client comes with. You need to be able to say, “Yes, you’re going to die! How does that feel?” Instead of saying, “No, you’re not going to die; we’re doing the best thing for you, the best we can. We’re going to give you painkillers; everything is going to be okay…”, you’ve got to cut that crap and be clear! Say, “Yes, you’re going to die, and you’re going to be challenged with this and this and this. How can I help you? How can I provide? How can I give you the strength in order to go through with this?” Because you’re going to die alone, right? No one is going to be able to do it with you. You have to be prepared to face it alone. I can support you and be here, but I can’t go through it with you.
That acceptance is crucial, isn’t it. So are you a death doula now? Is that part of the work you do?
No, not really a death doula, but I do that work in the same way the death doulas are working. I have a lot of clients who are terminal, so I need to be able to guide them through the processes going up to death, but I’m not physically with them when they’re dying.
Is there anything you’d like to tell me about that I haven’t asked you?
Yes, actually. While the book is largely about my journey with iboga and cancer and my death wish, how the iboga helped me and how the other remedies helped me, it’s also a love story. Because I fell in love with a crazy man during the time when I was dealing with the cancer, before the iboga. It was just a couple of weeks of a relationship, but it was so profound because he pulled out my inner child. I was suddenly able to come out and play. I think that crazy man saved my life because he wanted me to play with him and he managed to call that part out in me, so then I was able to say, “Okay, this is fine! It might be that life also can be fun outside this inner child playspace.” So that was one of the main reasons why I made this decision: to go to South Africa, to live, to try, to do the trauma work, to do everything I did in order to heal myself. So this book is like an offering to him, this man who catalysed my healing journey. Even though it was just a couple of weeks! I was so in love with him. I knew it wouldn’t be anything serious, because he really wasn’t well, he was so into drugs, so traumatised - an adult child. But his heart is so warm and good and he really helped me. The book is a gift to him. I know he read some of it, too. I spoke to him and told him that he was the one who saved my life, but he couldn’t conceptualise it. He couldn’t take it on board.
Kia, I’m so moved by your story. Thank you so, so much for your time and your energy. It was wonderful to meet you and I really wish you all the best.
Thank you too, Salvia.